Thursday, August 04, 2005

Item-Popeye's Fried Chicken

I wonder how this dog got fat?

As usual Three Bulls! over ordered. Three Bulls! has a taste for the proletarian, we admit. We also didn't expect Popeye's to rise up over the horizon like a spectre haunting PETA's worst nightmare. We love Popeye's you see, ever since a delightful experience in Atlanta's Hartsfield-Marietta International Airport. We had wonderful service and a were happily helped in our order by someone who asked us "what can I get for you, hon?" Well at that time we went for the two piece meal and a biscuit.

This time our eyes were bigger than our stomach. We got the four piece spicy chicken meal with the battered cajun fries and one biscuit. Let's compare to the benchmark that most people know: KFC. I also like KFC, so I'm not going to be all douchey and say that one is amazing and one is inedible. That is not possible. They are both fast food fried chicken, and any other opinion is merely the patriarchy exerting itself. So Popeyes tends to have better quality control than KFC, meaning the chicken is usually really hot and juicy at popeye's and can be less so at KFC. The biscuits at popeyes are both more buttery and heavier, kind of sticking to the roof of your mouth. They're pretty good, but KFC's are fluffier, so I am partial to those. As for the fries, they seem better than they are, because they look visually pleasing, but really they just have batter on them as per the command of the US Cardiologist Star Chamber Cabal. It's purpose is only to hasten your angioplasty.

As for the chicken, Popeye's has just the really crispy kind. The patriarchy commands that everyone thinks crispy is better than say, KFC original recipe. Original recipe at KFC is really good if they cook it long enough, and I refuse to let the patriarchy cockblock my chicken choices. As for the crispy kind, Popeye's has the real edge over KFC, it just has a real crunch and the chicken is always juicier. The spicy is really good, not too spicy and sets off the honey (Fried chicken needs honey- if you don't know this, suppress your f*cking patriarchical instinct and actually try it before you say "gross!", you predictable android). See the thing about Popeye's honey- it is the incredibly floral kind. It has a much stronger floral taste than you usual honey, and it DEMANDS the spicy chicken, or else the honey would actually be overpowering. As you might have noticed, this pile of chicken weighs in at 1831 calories and 100 some odd grams of fat. To convert that to Haagen Daaz pints, for our chicken-challenged readers- Calorie-wise it's about 6 pints of Haagen-Daaz coffee, fat wise only about 1 and a quarter.

This did not make our tummies feel good. We think we would have died if we went for the glowing yellow corn freshly rolled in butter solution and then bagged for our to-go enjoyment. Thank goodness for Cookie Jesus looking over Three Bulls!

Verdict: (yesterday) Disgusting

Today: upon reflection, it does kind of sound good- Delicious!


Anonymous Mighty Mouse said...

fried chicken is the kind of food that even if it gave you food poisoning, you'd want to eat more (like in an hour). and it's one of the only things that asians and blacks seem to see eye to eye on. Popeyes beats KFC, but Balto market chicken trumps all. while i love a biscuit, there's nothing simpler than a piece of sliced white bread to wipe the grease dripping down your chin. always delicious.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Pinko Punko said...

I wish we could all just get along. A bucket of chicken and kumbayah I say. I have had some Malaysian fried chicken that is yummy, but American Soul Food fried chicken is the best. I still hold esteem for original recipe because it has 11 herbs and spices. Am I not right about Popeye's honey? It's like eating a flower. Almost overpowering. And if you don't like honey on your chicken, you are missing out.

10:20 PM  
Blogger fulsome said...

The soul food version doesn't come from any white man and that's why Popeye's always has the edge. That and their butter-injected biscuits.

Ideal fried chicken should be in a backyard with a gratuitious amount of corn on the cob and your pick of other soul food staples (most importantly mashed potatos).

12:04 PM  
Blogger res publica said...

Popeye's rocks, KFC blowz. KFC's actual chicken is totally disgusting. The crispy outside is okay, but the actual meat is nasty, slippery and grease-soaked.

I will, however, admit that Popeye's tries to push some highly suspect side-dishes. Battered french fries leap to mind. If you eat battered fries, you may as well write "hillbilly" across your chest with a sharpie, because that is some white trash bullshit right there.

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Yosef said...

Anyone ever tried Bojangles? It's the reason Popeye's hasn't fared well in NC. Bojangles is awesome cajun Fried Chicken and Jake Delhomme is their spokesman (they've done awesome ads with him - one was a spoof of the old Coca-Cola - Mean Joe Green ad, and the newest one is a spoof of Jerry Maguire with Jake telling his agent to say "Show me the Chicken!"

In Charlotte, there's a fried chicken joint I've never been to, but everyone knows about. It's called Price's Chicken Coop. It's only open for lunch and it's just a counter, so you can't eat there. But the line always stretches out the door and down the block.

We've got some good soul food and southern cookin around here. I invite each and every one of you come visit and eat with me!

BTW, honey on Fried chicken sounds like a sacrilege. No southerner would ever try something like that.

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Blogger Chester said...

God does this make me hungry!

5:37 AM  
Blogger fulsome said...

Well, I suppose I oughtta get that hillbilly tattoo because I was just having a giant discussion this weekend about the merits of various fried foods and I was waxing eloquent on the glorious cajun fries that Popeyes serves. Of course, I like fried okra too so I'm really NOT disputing the relative appropriateness of the word hillbilly here.

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Anonymous how to cook cabbage said...

I think I've found a search engine with a sense of humor - I was actually looking for articles on how to cook chicken, and here I am on a site called this post. There's probably an electronic explanation for this and I have enjoyed the experience, so no harm done. Have a nice day Pinko Punko - if that's your real name :0)

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