Delicious or Disgusting? Has Moved

Wise Crazy Calypso

2006-01-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

The closest possible thing to Ruffles Cajun Spice, Wise's Crazy Calypso has a slightly sweeter taste, but some hotness but also complex seasoning, like some allspice, and probably paprika. Nice thin, crisp chips, with not to overwhelming spice nor oil. YUM. Back by popular demand!

UPDATE:
Sorry to sound all serious like Uncanny Canadian. What I meant to say was these chips are like a humongous orbiting potato sapce beast giving birth to a savory river of flavor on your head.

Route 11 Dill Pickle Chips

2006-01-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

When I tasted and fell for Lays Tastes of America, California Cool Dill Flavor, Uncanny was all "I don't like them, they aren't that pickly" and I was all "that's because they aren't Dill Pickle flavor, they're supposed to taste like Sour Cream and Dill and they do, delightfully so." "Well I don't want that" said UC. What he wanted was these, which he delights in. Yeah they taste like Dill+Vinegar=Dill Pickle, but I don't want them to taste like that. I want them to taste like California Cool Dill, and they don't.

Verdict: Push

You Asked, You Knew You Would Receive

2006-01-17T23:15:00.000-08:00

Clif mentioned these bad boys...Walkers Marmite flavored crisps, an English brand.
and Three Bulls! has actually had them. Marmite flavor! Well, Marmite is yeast extract with spices, salt and vitamins. I've never tasted the real deal, but it is supposedly quite savory, salty and a little bitter and probably gross. Yeast extract is very strong and the chips have a strong, hard to describe salty-savory taste, kind of like chicken boullion. The most likely reason is that yeast extract has a lot of amino acids in it, including glutamate, so it is basically like natural MSG. So when something says "No added MSG!" but includes autolyzed yeast as an ingredient, they are playing you like a fiddle.

Verdict: Surprising push.

Kettle Chips Spicy Thai

2006-01-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

Not a failure by any means, but this slightly sweet, complex spicy chip is still only a pretender to Cajun Spice Ruffles, here's why. Kettle-cooked potato chips are most usually very crunchy, and sometimes even much more potatoey, but can be pretty oily, and kettle chips have a distinct greasy finish akin to a pork rind. This flavor is quite good, though, and reminiscent of CSR. Kettle Brand usually does their flavors well, and even their absolutely disgusting Cheddar Beer chips (Uncanny would love them) are incredibly accurate flavor wise. It's just that a beery finish just makes the cheese taste fermented. I urge Kettle Brand to come out with a Beer and Bratwurst flavor instead.

Verdict: Push

Cajun Spice Ruffles

2006-01-15T01:22:00.000-08:00

The apotheosis of 80s food. Completely unplaceable taste, probably loads of MSG under the un-yon and the cay-jun. This chip has been unequaled in the history of chips. Possibly vaguely chemical tasting, perhaps it was the ridges. The only dip these bad boys ever needed was your open salivating mouth. Savory goodness. Cobags need not apply.

Verdict on chips: Delicious

Verdict on corporate group think and malfeasance, leading to the discontinuation of this flavor: Disgusting.

Here is a useful list of nine hundred chips- please pick your local favorites in comments for the Uncanny Canadian to review.

Oh LORDY ALMIGHTY

2006-01-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

Hmm, intriguing. Johnny's French Dip Au Jus concentrate. Now, in the pantheon of beefy sandwiches, a bad Italian Beef is much worse than a bad French Dip. See, dry flavorless Italian Beef is not improved by defective, usually on the bland side natural gravy. Now, a perfect Italian Beef is amazing, however different than a perfect French Dip. I cannot compare them because I have not yet been to the temple of French Dip. I have had amazing Italian Beef, however it certainly wasn't at Portillos, and shame on yous for picking the chain over some crazy local place like Rodeo Reds home of the best fresh-cut fries in existence, and more importantly purveyor of a presumed delicious Beef and Sausage combo. A bad French Dip, or dry beef can be rescued by crusty French bread, judicious application of horseradish and delightful dipping sauce, even if overly salty. Could this be the real deal?
Here's how it went down. Actually it has now gone down like this four times. Regular italian roll, decent grocery store roast beef. INTO THE BROILER YOU GO- OPEN FACED. Just to warm up and get a little crusty. Onto the stove goes 1 part Johnny's 2-3 parts water. Simmer simmer 5 minitos. Sandwich rescued for oven, clammed up, sliced on the diagonal, straight across would be blashpemy, this cobag is getting DIPPED. Dip, eat.

Verdict: Delicious.

Get it here, if they have it not in your hellish neighborhood. Seriously there are 500 ingredients on the back, it's not just beef stock. It's manna from heaven. I'm also massively intrigued because they have this too. I'm getting some.

"Italian Beef and Sausage Combo"

2005-12-21T00:25:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: we wish to dispel the notion that we are against Chicago-style Italian Beef and Sausage combos. We are not. We LOVE them, especially when the sausage is grilled and bissected along the A-P axis. And with yummy giardinera.

Please do not attempt this at home, cobaggeroos. We have previously discussed this item here. Additionally, Three Bulls! Bay Area™ will have a RUN TO THE BEEF scheduled in January. However, there is on particular establishment that we will NOT be patronizing. And before Fulsome gets his panties in a bunch, he needs to read on. Why? Let us investigate:
Geenie C. was driving back from an errand in Sactown and she was so delightful as to try an establishment we had been casing for RTTB and bring Three Bulls! some take-out. Ok, first off the bun is correct. Excellent. Natural gravy on the side (think French Dip au jus, but not boulliony, beefy with Italian spices)- check, but how does it taste? Later. Hmm, we ordered the Beef and Sausage combo, where is our presumably grilled Italian Sausage. Let's part the not very juicy beef (DANGER)...
And nestled within thin shaved slices of beef is...a gray, deoxygenated schlong of a quote unquote boiled sausage? What is this, a Jim Thome special safely tucked into a manger of beef? How the hell was that thing cooked, a lukewarm tongue bath? Seriously, this thing looks quite off, like somebody with food poisoning in their wiener. Let's just say the excitement level is dropping fast. Luckily, I have the disgusting habit of tearing my food into pieces before I eat it. Lo and f***ing behold, friends:

Real live man meat is a warmer temperature than this sausage ever was. Funny think is my my awesome food photography makes the rest of the sandwich look yummy. Compare with professional:
Let's give UC a close-up of the beef. This picture makes it look 10 times juicier than it actually was.
Doesn't that pepper look awesome? Yeah, it does look awesome. Kids, what does this look like to you?
Verdict: Disgusting, and you know it breaks my heart to denigrate beef and pork togetherness like that.

Item - Mountain Dew Pitch Black II

2005-12-08T21:07:00.000-08:00

You've got to be kidding, right? Part II: Back with a sour bite?

One look at this in the grocery store and Adorable Girlfriend and I realized that we finally found the one item that would qualify as a strong and resounding disgusting. Finally, I've waited so long to find something truly disgusting that I could contribute to D or D.

But wait .... I actually tried it to be sure, and the results surprised me. Grape soda pop on its own is a kind of childhood-acquired taste. You like it because you liked it as a kid when you had that Grape Fanta, even though it was terribly sweet and your parents told you that it would rot out your teeth. As you mature, the taste for things that sweet kind of diminishes. But never goes away. So here I am drinking my first grape pop in several years, anticipating with glee the waves of disgusting, and it's not disgusting. Goddammit! The sour but not too sour aftertaste cuts into the sweetness and gives it the slightest edge. Sure it looks disgusting, but so does borscht, and that's delicious. I can't help it, honest ...

Verdict: Delicious

Item - Ketchup Flavoured Potato Chips

2005-12-02T14:31:00.000-08:00

This Delicious or Disgusting is for Geenie C, who falls on the righteous side of the debate. First of all, the delicious kinds are these suckers:The story begins as follows: Once upon a time, Hostess used to make potato chips in Canada. And Canadians loved their potato chips and grew an increasingly diverse and adventurous pallette. Flavours like sour cream and bacon, dill pickle, pizza, and ketchup chips abounded. Eventually, Frito-Lay bought out the chip-making division and started distributing Hostess chips as their own, and some of these esoteric flavours made their way to the U.S. Today, many of the best flavours are no longer sold in Canada or the U.S., but ketchup chips persisted.

Why ketchup? First of all, North Americans love ketchup and universally apply to it to their foods. Secondly, many North Americans love the flavour of vinegar with potato-derived products, and Lays Ketchup chips certainly have ample vinegary overtones. It isn't really zesty, but it cuts into the sweetness, and merges beautifully with the saltiness. Imagine, if you will, a barbecue flavour, without the smokiness but all the tang. Still delicious and different.

Recently, on an excursion to find the best Banh Mi in Boston, I came across these ketchup chips in a small Vietnamese place in Dorchester called Ba Le:
Imagine my hopefulness at finding a brand of ketchup chips here in the U.S., and they sound delicious right? Big ruffles and real Heinz-flavoured ketchup. Well, the shocking thing is that they aren't really delicious. They're not disgusting by any means - I mean even liver and onions potato chips would have a certain appeal - but they were just kind of sweet and tomatoe-y and not savoury. I imagine that a light sprinkling of dried vinegar would save them and some, but in the mean time, I shan't be purchasing them any more. Shame since the good kind of ketchup chips on their own are ....

Verdict - delicious

Thanksgiving Classics™

2005-11-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

1) Turkey

Take it or leave it. It's possible I have had some dry ones in my past. No comment.
Verdict: push.

2) Gravy
Verdict: Disgusting.

3) Stuffing in the turkey
Verdict: Disgusting.

4) Stuffing outside the turkey
Verdict: Disgusting (except the non mushy parts on the outside, those are good).

5) Mashed potatoes
Verdict: Disgusting.

6) Sweet potatoes
Verdict: Disgusting.

7) Mac and cheese
Verdict: Disgusting.

8) Rolls
Verdict: Delicious

9) Yams
Verdict: Disgusting.

10) Squash
Verdict: Disgusting.

11) Cheesy green beans
Verdict: Disgusting.

12) Green bean casserole
Verdict: Disgusting.

12b) The little greasy Durkee French Fried Onions that top (12)
Verdict: Disgusting but yummy.

13) Pumpkin Pie
Verdict: Disgusting.

14) Brussel Sprouts
Verdict: Disgusting (except Pinko Mommo has identified a recipe that makes them taste OK- solution: pancetta (fancy bacon, cobags)

14b) Ineveitable Brussel Sprouts farts
Verdict: Disgusting.

15) Apple pie
Verdict: Disgusting.

16) Egg nog
Verdict: Disgusting [wrong holiday -Ed.]

17) Ham
Verdict: Delicious

18) Thinking of your loved ones, family, friends and internet peeps
Verdict: Delicious.

From the Seitzwagon in the Midwest, to Pop Ren, Fulsome, teh l4m3 rocking it Cali style (Chester too), Geenie C., res pub shit-kicking it in Texas, AG and Uncanny in a tree, mdhat, Braddie R, Notgavin NotM rolling East Coast style, Auguste in the Pac northwest, Guiness Guy, Iggie (we miss you), Jedmundo, Gregor keepin' it real in AZ, Yosef bobin' an' weavin' NC, and everyone we forget here but not in our black black hearts, please have a delightful holiday, regardless of how disgusting everything is. Please consider this a thread for your holiday thoughts and wishes, and if we forgot you, pipe up here and let everyone know you are alright, and which part of the country you are holding down the fort in, OK?

Best of Jackson, WY restaurants

2005-10-31T14:00:00.000-08:00

Tucked away in the perfect little ski town of Jackson, WY are restaurants that give a new meaning to the notion of ‘sweet perfection’. With limited time and space, the best of the best includes:

Billy’s

Billy’s is a retro nineteen fifties-esque diner that has it going on. You sit shoulder-to-shoulder on the old fashion soda counter stools and watch the show. The men who work the griddle are southern vagabond, recent college graduates, with more humor than anyone knows what to do with who can flip a mean burger. These astute grill practioners are masters of the meat and doctors of the waffle fries. You are background to the lives of men who make the biggest and juiciest half-pounder that is ever so lovingly placed on a bun with iceberg lettuce and tomato.

Dr. Uncanny Canadian and Ms. Uncanny American (aka Adorable Girlfriend) shared a perfect burger on both visits. And there was no shame in that. The abundant burger was split in half where both parties were served fries in their own basket and all for the price of less than $7.00. I challenge you to find a bargain like that elsewhere. Now that’s good stuff, fellow fans.

There is no shortage of quaint drama in this unassuming diner. There are handwritten rules posted on the wall. Now normally the Uncanny One is OK with rules and Ms. American Liberal is pitching a fit. Yet, diplomatic relations were achieved on these policies. For instance, lucky #30: no cell phone use at the counter. And the pretty persuasion of the female form that dared to use her cell phone got heckled by the grill masters and the other counter customers until she finally acquiesced. As did the woman who tried to order her burger rare. That would be rule #19.

While the food is flawless on its own and hardly needs accompaniment at all, it is really all about the classic rock in the speakers that serenades you. And it’s not just some Led Zeppelin or Doors saturating the diner, it is also a platform from which the grill masters quiz you. You need to bone up on your greatest guitar player ever, be able to name all four Doors members and know what year any specific Who song was written before you dine. However, do not fret if you do not know, it is likely neither does the guy next to you. It is just all part of the experience that makes Billy’s, well Billy’s. Ms. American informed Canadian that she would leave him for Billy at any moment upon exiting the second experience of the closest thing a Jewish girl can coin, “heaven”.

The Bunnery

The Bunnery is a no-frills bakery also in downtown Jackson. There are only two things you need to be aware of: the double c’s: carrot cake and clam chowder. We have already given you chowder advice, so the focus is on the cake today. The little slice of holiness you dine upon is bigger than Boss Hog’s gut and moister than the basement of a ranch in Louisiana. Put simply, Bunnery carrot cake is divine perfection. It needs no introduction or long diatribe. Had it been baking in the oven when Dante penned The Inferno it would have been noted in the gluttony sub-section. In fact, Adorable Girlfriend insisted it was so decadent that she had it at 9 AM on her birthday this year. Now that is a good piece of cake …

Verdict: Super duper delicious!

Item-Gilbert's Chowder House's clam chowder

2005-10-23T20:31:00.000-07:00

Bostonians sometimes forget that the realm of New England clam chowder can extend outside of the hub. For an authentic meal in a no frills, no messin’-around locale, head to Gilbert’s Chowder House in Portland, ME. Belly up to the Formica countertop to be waited on by a local. There is a myriad of chowders to sample ranging from the infamous clam to seafood to fish chowder.

It’s not all chowder power. You can sample a delectable lobster roll on bread that tastes like it has been marinating in butter since last summer or a crab roll that melts in your mouth not in your hands. You know: a local crab died for your dining pleasure, but let’s face it folks – that’s what keeps everyone coming back for more. And if you have your eyes on the prize, you can sample an authentic perfectly steamed Maine lobster to go with the vat of drawn butter that the wait staff brings with a smile.

Commercial Street in Portland welcomes customers to this reasonably priced charming little diamond in the rough.

The Last Bit of Onion Ring

2005-10-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

BEHOLD! The leaning tower of oniony wiener! Bow down! BOW DOWN!

Well kids, I'm not talking about the last bite of onion ring, I'm talking about the hours later bit that you retrieve with this:

Need I really say more?

Verdict: Absolutely disgusting.

PS. I wanna marry Glide floss.

Miami Subs Super Burger

2005-10-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

The Miami Subs chain is controversial. Some say "they're gross". Some say their South Florida pastels "hurt the eye". What does Three Bulls! say about the Miami Subs Super Burger? At first we were wary of getting a burger at a supposed sub joint. But our fears were dismissed as we saw them put that 5 oz fatty patty through the conveyor belt oven. Basically what was generated was a flame-broiled fast food burger that tasted like that, not like they sprayed on "grill flavor" (I'm looking at you, self proclaimed Burger Monarch). What comes on it? Lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo on the perfect soft, flour-topped bun. Those are our fave burger toppings. Three Bulls, in another controversial move, loves mayo on burgers. This was actually an awesome burger for what it was. I realize some of you snobs out there would think otherwise. Too bad.

Verdict: Delicious

PS, we just found out why: a Miami Subs Deluxe burger has 59g of fat and has over 750 calories. That is not a lean burger. That's getting into the monster thickburger category, except these don't taste like a soggy sponge.

Three Bulls! run to the BEEF!

2005-09-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

This is the thread where talk about how awesome it's gonna be when we sink that BEEF. We'll get some fries for pr and he can at least try the celery salt. This thread is about the Italian Beef. Let's leave the exact details to the e-mail so we don't end up in an LGF clusterf***. Iron Fist has been gunning for us for a long time, and we don't want to mess his shit up in front of his woman.

Chicago Style Hot Dog

2005-09-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

Let me just say right now, that these are awesome, and you will never convince me other wise. It is an art to get the ingredients perfectly balanced, and like the finest crazy sushi roll, the Chicago dog parts must exist in harmony. Here's what you get:

1) Steamed poppy-seed bun
2) Vienna Beef or other all beef tasty dog with natural casing for snap, not quite as overtly beefy as say a Hebrew National or other kosher dog, but defnitely not mushy like a Ball Park
3) Two tomato wedges placed on one side of the dog
4) A pickle wedge (kosher dill type, not some weird Vlassic thing) placed on the other side of the dog
5) Chopped onions
6) Relish, of an oddly blue-green color, sweet with definite spice flavor
7) Mustard
8) Plus/minus two small, think hot Italian "sport" peppers
9) Dash of celery salt

It's a little messy, and since the bun is really soft from steaming by the time you get to the end the bun is smooshed tight like a form fitting hug on the end of the dog. If over-steamed it can split, but not usually a problem. I urge you to get all the toppings to experience it authentically. Ketchup is an abomination to this dog, even in the ketchup loving midwest. They consider this a ketchup-free zone. I am not quite a purist in that I love it when the place (Michael's for instance- they actually have a branch in Ft. Lauderdale) also offers "char-dogs" or "fire-dogs"- the exact same toppings but they grill those bad boys. Magnificent.

Verdict: Delicious

Item-Snow Crabs from Minado Japanese Seafood Buffet

2005-09-06T17:00:00.000-07:00

Minado is a fantastic restaurant. They have a great selection of every kind of sushi and maki you could want, and much much more. In fact, just check out their menu yourself because I couldn't even tell you everything I ate - forget what was available

The food there ranges from above average to excellent. Never exquisite, though, but it is all-you-can-eat; they have to make a living! One of the highlights of the restaurant is an ample pile of snow crab legs. You want these! Remember: eyes on the prize! Make sure to take note of the location of the drawn butter so that you don't get over-exuberant and grab a handful without the butter. This can happen when you're making sure that nobody cuts you in line - because you're not the only one ogling them. To be somewhat critical, the snow crab legs are not as good as at The Barking Crab, and they tend to the over-cooked side. But they are tender, tasy, crabby, and leggy.

Verdict: Delicious!

Item-The last bite of an In N Out Burger

2005-08-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

This bit is borrowed from the serious post below, because Cookie Jesus knows, no one will read it. The last bite of juicy In-N-Out burger, with the combination of crispy griddle-toasted bun, and cool lettuce and tomato with just the right amount of special sauce-is in fact even better than the first*. The absolute key here is the buttered bun that is machine-sliced so perfectly flat, and thrown on the griddle it until browned and toasty with that crispy ring around the outside that happens when you make pancakes at home but never happens at IHOP. This crispness contrasts with the special sauce, especially the saucy pickle, if any of it made it this far and juice from the burger, the still cool lettuce and actually decent tomato. I can only compare it to the last bite of a well packed ice cream cone where ice cream has lasted until the very end. Magnificent.

*That bite looks exactly like this one, but on the other side.

Item-Hungry Man Breakfast

2005-08-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

This is an internet classic. I'm not posting a picture of it, because I don't want you to throw up. I do, however, want you to think about the fact that this meatly harvest of death has less calories than a single slice of Cheesecake Factory Carrot Cake.

Item-Popeye's Fried Chicken

2005-08-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

I wonder how this dog got fat?

As usual Three Bulls! over ordered. Three Bulls! has a taste for the proletarian, we admit. We also didn't expect Popeye's to rise up over the horizon like a spectre haunting PETA's worst nightmare. We love Popeye's you see, ever since a delightful experience in Atlanta's Hartsfield-Marietta International Airport. We had wonderful service and a were happily helped in our order by someone who asked us "what can I get for you, hon?" Well at that time we went for the two piece meal and a biscuit.

This time our eyes were bigger than our stomach. We got the four piece spicy chicken meal with the battered cajun fries and one biscuit. Let's compare to the benchmark that most people know: KFC. I also like KFC, so I'm not going to be all douchey and say that one is amazing and one is inedible. That is not possible. They are both fast food fried chicken, and any other opinion is merely the patriarchy exerting itself. So Popeyes tends to have better quality control than KFC, meaning the chicken is usually really hot and juicy at popeye's and can be less so at KFC. The biscuits at popeyes are both more buttery and heavier, kind of sticking to the roof of your mouth. They're pretty good, but KFC's are fluffier, so I am partial to those. As for the fries, they seem better than they are, because they look visually pleasing, but really they just have batter on them as per the command of the US Cardiologist Star Chamber Cabal. It's purpose is only to hasten your angioplasty.

As for the chicken, Popeye's has just the really crispy kind. The patriarchy commands that everyone thinks crispy is better than say, KFC original recipe. Original recipe at KFC is really good if they cook it long enough, and I refuse to let the patriarchy cockblock my chicken choices. As for the crispy kind, Popeye's has the real edge over KFC, it just has a real crunch and the chicken is always juicier. The spicy is really good, not too spicy and sets off the honey (Fried chicken needs honey- if you don't know this, suppress your f*cking patriarchical instinct and actually try it before you say "gross!", you predictable android). See the thing about Popeye's honey- it is the incredibly floral kind. It has a much stronger floral taste than you usual honey, and it DEMANDS the spicy chicken, or else the honey would actually be overpowering. As you might have noticed, this pile of chicken weighs in at 1831 calories and 100 some odd grams of fat. To convert that to Haagen Daaz pints, for our chicken-challenged readers- Calorie-wise it's about 6 pints of Haagen-Daaz coffee, fat wise only about 1 and a quarter.

This did not make our tummies feel good. We think we would have died if we went for the glowing yellow corn freshly rolled in butter solution and then bagged for our to-go enjoyment. Thank goodness for Cookie Jesus looking over Three Bulls!

Verdict: (yesterday) Disgusting

Today: upon reflection, it does kind of sound good- Delicious!

The Devil's Melon or Manna from Heaven?

2005-07-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

You will have to check at Republic of Dogs for the full details about this particular melon:

Here's what we do know:

i) it's not a canteloupe
ii) it is green inside - green and "delicious"
iii) it may be a suzie

Here's what I know. If it's a melon, it's probably delicious. But I'm a scientist and need empirical evidence. Verdict: mistrial

Fake Pizza Flavor

2005-07-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

Fake cheese flavor. Fake pepperoni flavor. Fake tomato flavor. Fake oregano flavor. MSG. At a minimum that is Fake*10^5, an incalculable level of fake. Only if the Pizza Doodles/Pizza chip snack unit were in the shape of something totally fake could it taste any more fake. The flavor particles are actually programmable nanobots that subtlely modify your persona, tastes and desires. Fake pizza flavor is a monument to the ingenuity of Man the Creator and his sidekick in fake flavor crime, Woman.

Verdict: Delicious

Item: Zaro's Chocolate Babka

2005-07-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

Droooooool. This is the greatest pastry known to creation, and is courtesy your friends, the Jews. You should read the whole description of the food from Zaro's. Actually, I'm going to steal a little bit of their description just so I can quiver in anticipation of the next time I get to eat one:

We still make Chocolate Babka the same way we did way back when. The dough is made from butter, milk, eggs, sugar, orange paste, and other all natural ingredients. Folded into the dough are chocolate chips, liquid chocolate marble, chocolate cake crumbs and some nuts. Each Chocolate Babka weighs about two pounds

You know where this is going. DELICIOUS. Also notable is their cinammon-raisin babka. The secret ingredient they can't give away is the one last ancient semitic secret dating back to biblical times [it is the revelation of this secret not the conversion of the Jews that signals the end times, will probably be discussed in the next 12 Left Behind books-ed.]. It's an arc of the covenant kind of secret, which is only known by the highest of the high priests and is muttered only once a year [and if you use its power for evil, your face will melt off- ed.].

Item: Pringles Prints-Trivial Pursuit for Kids Flavor

2005-07-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

What the f***.

When Three Bulls! saw this, they felt like Norbizness walking into Long John Silvers, a holy obligation filled with the fear of a smitten colon.

Con: Parents, do you want to make the fattening of your kids educational? Have them stuff their pieholes with these!!

Pro: They're delicious salty yummy pringles, now with 0g trans fat, people!!

Con: Sign of impending rapture?

Pro: Because you have to read them, you eat more slowly, aiding in digestion, plus you use your head, your mind, and your brain while enjoying a friggin' Pringle!!!!

They'd be funnier if they had crazy fortunes on them, or lottery numbers, or propaganda, or random stuff.

What's that you say? What about this?

Q: "Can you run 1/4 mile?"

What an amazing fitness goal, maybe the verb should be "roll" or "ooze" instead of "run" after Mr. P is done being your fitness trainer.

A: "No f***ing way after eating a can of these for "research"

After continuing research I see that Mr. P is also eager to invade my privacy concerning "how many jumping jacks can [I] do?" Thank you, evil advertising overlords, this will effectively help Mr. P say to parents "it is safe that your children be raised under my guidance, not only will they be getting a potato fuhrer, but a personal fitness guru, and you may confidently let them be plumpened with this overly salty potato product for my alien masters."

Verdict: Push

Item: Nantucket Nectar Half and Half

2005-07-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

Half Iced Tea, Half Lemonade, 100% yummy. In a nice wide-mouthed glass bottle for summer sipping. Perfect for walking down to Fenway or other ballpark to watch the Sox beat the Orioles while frying in the summer heat. I said perfect for watching the Sox beat the Orioles. Damn Sox.

Verdict: Delicious.

Item: Broccoli farts

2005-07-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

Only smells created by billion year old life forms metabolizing toxic chemicals in the heart of a blubbery mud hot spring in Yellowstone Natl. Park could even attempt to approach the foulness concocted by the human digestive system when faced with an abundance of broccoli.

Verdict: Disgusting

Related Item: Brussells Sprout farts