Friday, January 20, 2006

Wise Crazy Calypso

The closest possible thing to Ruffles Cajun Spice, Wise's Crazy Calypso has a slightly sweeter taste, but some hotness but also complex seasoning, like some allspice, and probably paprika. Nice thin, crisp chips, with not to overwhelming spice nor oil. YUM. Back by popular demand!

Sorry to sound all serious like Uncanny Canadian. What I meant to say was these chips are like a humongous orbiting potato sapce beast giving birth to a savory river of flavor on your head.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Route 11 Dill Pickle Chips

When I tasted and fell for Lays Tastes of America, California Cool Dill Flavor, Uncanny was all "I don't like them, they aren't that pickly" and I was all "that's because they aren't Dill Pickle flavor, they're supposed to taste like Sour Cream and Dill and they do, delightfully so." "Well I don't want that" said UC. What he wanted was these, which he delights in. Yeah they taste like Dill+Vinegar=Dill Pickle, but I don't want them to taste like that. I want them to taste like California Cool Dill, and they don't.

Verdict: Push

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

You Asked, You Knew You Would Receive

Clif mentioned these bad boys...Walkers Marmite flavored crisps, an English brand.
and Three Bulls! has actually had them. Marmite flavor! Well, Marmite is yeast extract with spices, salt and vitamins. I've never tasted the real deal, but it is supposedly quite savory, salty and a little bitter and probably gross. Yeast extract is very strong and the chips have a strong, hard to describe salty-savory taste, kind of like chicken boullion. The most likely reason is that yeast extract has a lot of amino acids in it, including glutamate, so it is basically like natural MSG. So when something says "No added MSG!" but includes autolyzed yeast as an ingredient, they are playing you like a fiddle.

Verdict: Surprising push.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Kettle Chips Spicy Thai

Not a failure by any means, but this slightly sweet, complex spicy chip is still only a pretender to Cajun Spice Ruffles, here's why. Kettle-cooked potato chips are most usually very crunchy, and sometimes even much more potatoey, but can be pretty oily, and kettle chips have a distinct greasy finish akin to a pork rind. This flavor is quite good, though, and reminiscent of CSR. Kettle Brand usually does their flavors well, and even their absolutely disgusting Cheddar Beer chips (Uncanny would love them) are incredibly accurate flavor wise. It's just that a beery finish just makes the cheese taste fermented. I urge Kettle Brand to come out with a Beer and Bratwurst flavor instead.

Verdict: Push

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Cajun Spice Ruffles

The apotheosis of 80s food. Completely unplaceable taste, probably loads of MSG under the un-yon and the cay-jun. This chip has been unequaled in the history of chips. Possibly vaguely chemical tasting, perhaps it was the ridges. The only dip these bad boys ever needed was your open salivating mouth. Savory goodness. Cobags need not apply.

Verdict on chips: Delicious

Verdict on corporate group think and malfeasance, leading to the discontinuation of this flavor: Disgusting.

Here is a useful list of nine hundred chips- please pick your local favorites in comments for the Uncanny Canadian to review.

Monday, January 09, 2006


Hmm, intriguing. Johnny's French Dip Au Jus concentrate. Now, in the pantheon of beefy sandwiches, a bad Italian Beef is much worse than a bad French Dip. See, dry flavorless Italian Beef is not improved by defective, usually on the bland side natural gravy. Now, a perfect Italian Beef is amazing, however different than a perfect French Dip. I cannot compare them because I have not yet been to the temple of French Dip. I have had amazing Italian Beef, however it certainly wasn't at Portillos, and shame on yous for picking the chain over some crazy local place like Rodeo Reds home of the best fresh-cut fries in existence, and more importantly purveyor of a presumed delicious Beef and Sausage combo. A bad French Dip, or dry beef can be rescued by crusty French bread, judicious application of horseradish and delightful dipping sauce, even if overly salty. Could this be the real deal?
Here's how it went down. Actually it has now gone down like this four times. Regular italian roll, decent grocery store roast beef. INTO THE BROILER YOU GO- OPEN FACED. Just to warm up and get a little crusty. Onto the stove goes 1 part Johnny's 2-3 parts water. Simmer simmer 5 minitos. Sandwich rescued for oven, clammed up, sliced on the diagonal, straight across would be blashpemy, this cobag is getting DIPPED. Dip, eat.

Verdict: Delicious.

Get it here, if they have it not in your hellish neighborhood. Seriously there are 500 ingredients on the back, it's not just beef stock. It's manna from heaven. I'm also massively intrigued because they have this too. I'm getting some.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"Italian Beef and Sausage Combo"

UPDATE: we wish to dispel the notion that we are against Chicago-style Italian Beef and Sausage combos. We are not. We LOVE them, especially when the sausage is grilled and bissected along the A-P axis. And with yummy giardinera.

Please do not attempt this at home, cobaggeroos. We have previously discussed this item here. Additionally, Three Bulls! Bay Area™ will have a RUN TO THE BEEF scheduled in January. However, there is on particular establishment that we will NOT be patronizing. And before Fulsome gets his panties in a bunch, he needs to read on. Why? Let us investigate:
Geenie C. was driving back from an errand in Sactown and she was so delightful as to try an establishment we had been casing for RTTB and bring Three Bulls! some take-out. Ok, first off the bun is correct. Excellent. Natural gravy on the side (think French Dip au jus, but not boulliony, beefy with Italian spices)- check, but how does it taste? Later. Hmm, we ordered the Beef and Sausage combo, where is our presumably grilled Italian Sausage. Let's part the not very juicy beef (DANGER)...
And nestled within thin shaved slices of beef is...a gray, deoxygenated schlong of a quote unquote boiled sausage? What is this, a Jim Thome special safely tucked into a manger of beef? How the hell was that thing cooked, a lukewarm tongue bath? Seriously, this thing looks quite off, like somebody with food poisoning in their wiener. Let's just say the excitement level is dropping fast. Luckily, I have the disgusting habit of tearing my food into pieces before I eat it. Lo and f***ing behold, friends:

Real live man meat is a warmer temperature than this sausage ever was. Funny think is my my awesome food photography makes the rest of the sandwich look yummy. Compare with professional:
Let's give UC a close-up of the beef. This picture makes it look 10 times juicier than it actually was.
Doesn't that pepper look awesome? Yeah, it does look awesome. Kids, what does this look like to you?
Verdict: Disgusting, and you know it breaks my heart to denigrate beef and pork togetherness like that.