Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"Italian Beef and Sausage Combo"

UPDATE: we wish to dispel the notion that we are against Chicago-style Italian Beef and Sausage combos. We are not. We LOVE them, especially when the sausage is grilled and bissected along the A-P axis. And with yummy giardinera.

Please do not attempt this at home, cobaggeroos. We have previously discussed this item here. Additionally, Three Bulls! Bay Area™ will have a RUN TO THE BEEF scheduled in January. However, there is on particular establishment that we will NOT be patronizing. And before Fulsome gets his panties in a bunch, he needs to read on. Why? Let us investigate:
Geenie C. was driving back from an errand in Sactown and she was so delightful as to try an establishment we had been casing for RTTB and bring Three Bulls! some take-out. Ok, first off the bun is correct. Excellent. Natural gravy on the side (think French Dip au jus, but not boulliony, beefy with Italian spices)- check, but how does it taste? Later. Hmm, we ordered the Beef and Sausage combo, where is our presumably grilled Italian Sausage. Let's part the not very juicy beef (DANGER)...
And nestled within thin shaved slices of beef is...a gray, deoxygenated schlong of a quote unquote boiled sausage? What is this, a Jim Thome special safely tucked into a manger of beef? How the hell was that thing cooked, a lukewarm tongue bath? Seriously, this thing looks quite off, like somebody with food poisoning in their wiener. Let's just say the excitement level is dropping fast. Luckily, I have the disgusting habit of tearing my food into pieces before I eat it. Lo and f***ing behold, friends:

Real live man meat is a warmer temperature than this sausage ever was. Funny think is my my awesome food photography makes the rest of the sandwich look yummy. Compare with professional:
Let's give UC a close-up of the beef. This picture makes it look 10 times juicier than it actually was.
Doesn't that pepper look awesome? Yeah, it does look awesome. Kids, what does this look like to you?
Verdict: Disgusting, and you know it breaks my heart to denigrate beef and pork togetherness like that.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Item - Mountain Dew Pitch Black II

You've got to be kidding, right? Part II: Back with a sour bite?

One look at this in the grocery store and Adorable Girlfriend and I realized that we finally found the one item that would qualify as a strong and resounding disgusting. Finally, I've waited so long to find something truly disgusting that I could contribute to D or D.

But wait .... I actually tried it to be sure, and the results surprised me. Grape soda pop on its own is a kind of childhood-acquired taste. You like it because you liked it as a kid when you had that Grape Fanta, even though it was terribly sweet and your parents told you that it would rot out your teeth. As you mature, the taste for things that sweet kind of diminishes. But never goes away. So here I am drinking my first grape pop in several years, anticipating with glee the waves of disgusting, and it's not disgusting. Goddammit! The sour but not too sour aftertaste cuts into the sweetness and gives it the slightest edge. Sure it looks disgusting, but so does borscht, and that's delicious. I can't help it, honest ...

Verdict: Delicious

Friday, December 02, 2005

Item - Ketchup Flavoured Potato Chips

This Delicious or Disgusting is for Geenie C, who falls on the righteous side of the debate. First of all, the delicious kinds are these suckers:The story begins as follows: Once upon a time, Hostess used to make potato chips in Canada. And Canadians loved their potato chips and grew an increasingly diverse and adventurous pallette. Flavours like sour cream and bacon, dill pickle, pizza, and ketchup chips abounded. Eventually, Frito-Lay bought out the chip-making division and started distributing Hostess chips as their own, and some of these esoteric flavours made their way to the U.S. Today, many of the best flavours are no longer sold in Canada or the U.S., but ketchup chips persisted.

Why ketchup? First of all, North Americans love ketchup and universally apply to it to their foods. Secondly, many North Americans love the flavour of vinegar with potato-derived products, and Lays Ketchup chips certainly have ample vinegary overtones. It isn't really zesty, but it cuts into the sweetness, and merges beautifully with the saltiness. Imagine, if you will, a barbecue flavour, without the smokiness but all the tang. Still delicious and different.

Recently, on an excursion to find the best Banh Mi in Boston, I came across these ketchup chips in a small Vietnamese place in Dorchester called Ba Le:
Imagine my hopefulness at finding a brand of ketchup chips here in the U.S., and they sound delicious right? Big ruffles and real Heinz-flavoured ketchup. Well, the shocking thing is that they aren't really delicious. They're not disgusting by any means - I mean even liver and onions potato chips would have a certain appeal - but they were just kind of sweet and tomatoe-y and not savoury. I imagine that a light sprinkling of dried vinegar would save them and some, but in the mean time, I shan't be purchasing them any more. Shame since the good kind of ketchup chips on their own are ....

Verdict - delicious